Growing well

I think a lot, about a lot of things. Some things that are helpful, and some that aren’t. Some things though, will, I expect, always be a sources of learning and growth, and yes, hopefully always helpful. For example, people. What makes them tick, why they do what they do. Why they change; for the better; for worse; what sticks and what’s temporary- and what we wish could be temporary!

I work with people, and that includes supporting people, organisations, but also equipping them. A lot of it is big picture, theoretical. Often it’s blanket statements about domestic violence, or healthy relationships, what it is, isn’t, what to do, not to do. But I am increasingly struck by how nuanced it is. It’s not either on or off- someone is either an abuser or not, a victim or not. Often it’s a sliding scale, a choice, a lot of greys, and no black and white, like what we usually talk about. It’s something that often doesn’t have a start or an end, but possibly a series of experiences, and a series of conclusions one reaches, because of the experiences, or despite them. It’s a curious thing to stand watching it happen. Harder as a fellow person, also in family and relationship and so having to live it out from where I am. Often surprised too- pleasantly, or unpleasantly but what people think is permissible, in treating others, or allowing others to treat you, for whatever reason. The more I have watched and learned though, the more I have seen the intentions, the rationale, the story behind the behaviour, which in some ways makes it easier to excuse really bad behaviour, or appreciate the kindness of others. And yet there is always so much more than what is often seen and understood.

How do we make it a normal thing to learn about relationships, to recognise that it’s not rocket science, nor is developing healthy relationship skills something to be left untended? We are made for relationship, to be in connection and contact with others around us, no matter how deeply or briefly. How we do that is often assumed, or not thought of, and yet, how much better would we be if we did think about who we are in relationship, who we want to be, to ourselves, God and others. Not the assumed, the habitual, the way we revert to when faced with a stressful situation. But to respond thoughtfully, with intention to grow, heal, speak the truth- with love. We don’t- or are strongly told not to neglect our work, our health, fitness, finances, the environment, our car, so why do we neglect our personal relationships and let them run rampant, or die slowly or cut them off before there’s a chance to see them grow and flourish. I am reminded of the parable of the vineyard and how the vineyard must be nurtured, trimmed, and well maintained to truly flourish. I wonder how our relationships would look if we were intentional and thoughtful about them, with both the other person/people and ourselves in mind. It doesn’t mean that there is no conflict, rather both see the conflict as an opportunity to grow, heal and learn together. So my challenge for me/us today… find someone to have a good chat with today, to build up and encourage.

Lets see how we go!

Photo by scott w chappell on Unsplash