Growing well

I think a lot, about a lot of things. Some things that are helpful, and some that aren’t. Some things though, will, I expect, always be a sources of learning and growth, and yes, hopefully always helpful. For example, people. What makes them tick, why they do what they do. Why they change; for the better; for worse; what sticks and what’s temporary- and what we wish could be temporary!

I work with people, and that includes supporting people, organisations, but also equipping them. A lot of it is big picture, theoretical. Often it’s blanket statements about domestic violence, or healthy relationships, what it is, isn’t, what to do, not to do. But I am increasingly struck by how nuanced it is. It’s not either on or off- someone is either an abuser or not, a victim or not. Often it’s a sliding scale, a choice, a lot of greys, and no black and white, like what we usually talk about. It’s something that often doesn’t have a start or an end, but possibly a series of experiences, and a series of conclusions one reaches, because of the experiences, or despite them. It’s a curious thing to stand watching it happen. Harder as a fellow person, also in family and relationship and so having to live it out from where I am. Often surprised too- pleasantly, or unpleasantly but what people think is permissible, in treating others, or allowing others to treat you, for whatever reason. The more I have watched and learned though, the more I have seen the intentions, the rationale, the story behind the behaviour, which in some ways makes it easier to excuse really bad behaviour, or appreciate the kindness of others. And yet there is always so much more than what is often seen and understood.

How do we make it a normal thing to learn about relationships, to recognise that it’s not rocket science, nor is developing healthy relationship skills something to be left untended? We are made for relationship, to be in connection and contact with others around us, no matter how deeply or briefly. How we do that is often assumed, or not thought of, and yet, how much better would we be if we did think about who we are in relationship, who we want to be, to ourselves, God and others. Not the assumed, the habitual, the way we revert to when faced with a stressful situation. But to respond thoughtfully, with intention to grow, heal, speak the truth- with love. We don’t- or are strongly told not to neglect our work, our health, fitness, finances, the environment, our car, so why do we neglect our personal relationships and let them run rampant, or die slowly or cut them off before there’s a chance to see them grow and flourish. I am reminded of the parable of the vineyard and how the vineyard must be nurtured, trimmed, and well maintained to truly flourish. I wonder how our relationships would look if we were intentional and thoughtful about them, with both the other person/people and ourselves in mind. It doesn’t mean that there is no conflict, rather both see the conflict as an opportunity to grow, heal and learn together. So my challenge for me/us today… find someone to have a good chat with today, to build up and encourage.

Lets see how we go!

Photo by scott w chappell on Unsplash

Starting something new

So, it looks like it’s time. I am starting something new, and am not quite sure how long it will go for, how it will turn out, but it’s an adventure, an experiment and a bit of a journey so will see, hey?!

It has been bubbling along in the background for quite a while now, in different ways. Someone I follow on the ‘social’s’ started sending out writing prompts late last year, and I started, for a while, and yes, saw the benefit, but life got in the way, and is always the case, other things took priority. I have long since known that I am better at doing things for other people than for my pleasure, benefit and purpose, so I will see how I go finding a way to make this work for me as well as you… just as a learning exercise:)

I think this will be a place to share and reflect on life from my perspective, and hopefully some interesting themes will emerge. A lot of this will be an exercise in processing, reflecting, thinking about what God is teaching me, and wow has he taught me a lot this year. For those who know the whole story, how may wonder how on earth that could be, but trust me, it’s been quite the learning curve, one I wouldn’t change for anything. I don’t think…. 

I was listening to a podcast last week and a phrase came up in the conversation that I had been thinking about. Know your why. It’s amazing what you can get done when you know your why-whether it’s writing a blog, a job, task, relationship, you name it. I was thinking about those times this year when I have done things for others, when I have done them for myself. When I have done them because I wanted them so much NOW, while, surprisingly for me, ignoring the consequences of what NEXT. Now that has been challenging and told me so much about what I wanted and how very much I wanted it. There have been times, moments(?!) when I have known my why, and been able to hold off and say no, keeping the big picture in mind, but wow it was hard when faced with something that I didn’t know I wanted that much. It was quite a wakeup call.

So I have been having some great conversations with God. I have been getting specific, really specific and challenging myself to work out what I want in life, what those desires of my heart really are and how to ask for them. Not in a ‘if it’s your will, God’ kinda way, but in a ‘God, bring the breakthrough for what I want. Open the doors for this situation’. And you know what? God has been answering! And he's been so kind, and faithful, and it’s not going my way, but it really is better(well, I'm pretty sure..!). I don’t know the final outcome or have a conclusion wrapped up in a bright bow, but I know him and myself better, and am learning to ask better questions, to trust and wait, and wait. And believe the best. I am also learning more about knowing my why, my reason for being, for my attitude towards prayer, for praying for people, situations and circumstances, and that has been fun. It isn’t a perfect journey by any means, but it is good. I have been reminded a lot of King David recently, and again, heard a talk about him last weekend- how not perfect was he, and yet he was a man after God’s own heart, and when confronted with what he has done wrong he runs to God- with all of it, and not away, and I am so challenged by that. How often do we hide it, pretend it’s nothing or run away from God rather that too him with all of ourselves.  That I, we, can bring all of who we are to God knowing that he sees and knows us, our heart, intentions and loves us in and through the journey of it all. He’s got us!

Here’s to knowing our why and having a lot of adventures along the way!